WORST FILMS OF ALL TIME







Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995)
Starring: Jim Carrey, Ian McNeice, Simon Callow, Maynard Eziashi, Bob Gunton, Sophie Okonedo, Tommy Davidson
Tired and sloppy sequel to marginally amusing "Ace Ventura Pet Detective" runs out of gas long before Jim Carrey lands in Africa in search of a rare white bat. Produced solely as a quick cash-in after the surprise success of the first "Ace," we can only hope there is not a third installment.

Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987)
Starring: Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, James Earl Jones, Henry Silva, Robert Donner, Cassandra Peterson ("Elvira")
Unbelievably lame note-for-note rip off of the "Raiders of the Lost Ark" franchise slapped together with glue and scissors by legendary bad movie makers, Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. "Quartermain" is the sequel to the only slightly more watchable 1985 flop "King Solomon's Mines." To keep production costs down, Golan and Globus filmed the projects simultaneously.

The Avengers (1998)
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, Jim Broadbent
An abysmal remake of the 1960's TV show sports miscast leads and an incoherent story. "The Avengers" is a dunderheaded miscalculation on every conceivable level. If the sign of a truly awful film is when its releasing studio doesn't screen the film in advance for critics, then what does it say when Warner Bros. refused to screen "The Avengers" for critics AT ALL! James Berardinelli of ReelViews remarked, "This film is an absolute mess-- a cinematic abomination. 'The Avengers' fails in almost every possible way, from acting to writing and direction. Heck, the filmmakers couldn't even get the cameos right. This motion picture has been so badly mismanaged that it's hard to imagine anyone actually enjoying it (or, for that matter, understanding it). If it weren't for the A-list cast, this movie surely would have been a prime candidate for a direct-to-video release. It's not just sad; it's depressing. In fact, the entire movie is depressing. I can't recall the last time I was so disinterested in a series of pointless action scenes. When it comes to TV shows transformed into movies, this has to be the worst effort to date. For that dubious honor, it edges out 'Mr. Magoo'. And that probably says all that needs to be said."

Batman & Robin (1997)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone
The fourth Warner Bros. "Batman" film is the worst of the bunch. TV star George Clooney takes over the mask from previous Batmen Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer in this overlong and torturous sequel. The plot this time revolves around the villains with Uma Thurman and Arnold Schwarzenegger (as Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze) turning in the worst performances of their respective careers. Adding unintentional laughs is a chunky Alicia Silverstone as Bat Girl. The only thing worse than this travesty would be a fifth "Batman" film. Winner

Best Defense (1984)
Starring: Dudley Moore, Eddie Murphy, Kate Capshaw, George Dzundza, Helen Shaver
When Eddie Murphy became an "overnight" sensation after the Christmas 1982 release of "48HRS," Paramount knew it needed another "Eddie Murphy" project in theaters right away to capitalize on his fame. Because he was still appearing as a regular on "Saturday Night Live," Murphy's free time was scarce. Paramount pitched him "Beverly Hills Cop," a project that had originally been developed for Sylvester Stallone, but was now collecting dust at the studio. The studio went to town tailoring the action picture to Murphy's liking. Not content to wait until the Christmas 1984 opening of "Cop," Paramount begged Murphy to appear in a film during the Summer of 1984. That project turned out to be the Dudley Moore dud, "Best Defense." To his fan's outright dismay, Murphy's involvement would total less than 12 minutes of screen time. Seriously, a quick trip to the concession stand during this movie and you'd miss half of Eddie's scenes! The film plot revolved around a defense industry technician (Moore) who discovers that a newly designed tank doesn't work. Moore's storyline takes place in 1982 and Murphy's scenes take place in 1984. Confused? You're not alone. Murphy is the tank driver who (under fire) discovers Moore is right. More of an endurance test than a comedy, the studio's biggest blunder was promoting Eddie Murphy as a "strategic guest star" on posters and in newspaper ads. The comedian's one and two minute segments were haphazardly dropped in every half hour or so to break up the monotony. Fans who blinked and missed Murphy literally booed this film off the screen.

The Beverly Hillbillies (1993)
Starring: Jim Varney, Diedrich Bader, Erika Eleniak, Cloris Leachman, Lily Tomlin, Dabney Coleman, Lea Thompson, Rob Schneider
Lifeless remake of the classic 1960's sitcom about a hillbilly family that strikes oil and moves to a mansion in Beverly Hills. The only clever moment is the casting of "Hillbillies" star Buddy Ebsen in a cameo as his other TV alter-ego, detective Barnaby Jones

Beyond The Poseidon Adventure (1979)
Starring: Michael Caine, Sally Field, Telly Savalas, Peter Boyle, Jack Warden, Shirley Knight, Slim Pickens
The plot to this unwanted sequel to the Oscar-winning "The Poseidon Adventure" revolves around attempts to loot the ship before it sinks. Truly a disaster. Sally Field segued from this sinking ship to the awful "Smokey and The Bandit II." Ouch!

Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)
Starring: Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Melanie Griffith, Kim Cattrall, Saul Rubinek, Morgan Freeman
Jet black comedy has mild-mannered millionaire Tom Hanks fighting for his life in the courtrooms of law and public opinion after he is erroneously blamed for the death of an inner-city youth. Bruce Willis is the journalist covering the story, Melanie Griffith is Hank's mistress. Even Hanks' profoundly sincere performance can't save this stinker from the trash bin. Winner: Worst Film - 1990 (The Stinkers).

Caddyshack II (1988)
Starring: Jackie Mason, Dyan Cannon, Robert Stack, Dina Merrill, Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Randy Quaid, Jessica Lundy, Jonathan Silverman, Chynna Phillips, Brian Doyle-Murray
Much too late in-name-only sequel to 1980's hugely successful golf comedy, "Caddyshack," literally stalls before the opening credits begin. In this pitiful rehash of the first film, unfunny comedian Jackie Mason is a millionaire whose daughter wants him to join a snobbish country club. When his membership application is turned down, he retaliates by buying the club and turning it into a tacky amusement park. Mason takes on the slob role perfected in the first film by Rodney Dangerfield with disastrous results. Unlike Dangerfield, Mason is neither likable or funny. Annoying is a better description. His on-screen love affair with Dyan Cannon isn't funny, it's sick. In supporting roles, Chevy Chase reprises his role as the club Pro and Dan Aykroyd (as a retired soldier) has never been more humiliating. Thankfully, Bill Murray, so hilarious in the first film, steered clear of this train wreck, as did most moviegoers.

Christopher Columbus - The Discovery (1992)
Starring: Marlon Brando, Tom Selleck, George Corraface, Rachel Ward, Robert Davi, Benicio Del Toro, Catherine Zeta Jones
The weakest of the two big budget films celebrating the 500 year anniversary of Columbus' "discovery" of America. Features Marlon Brando's worst film performance ever and the miscast Tom Selleck (?!) as King Ferdinand.

The Concorde - Airport '79 (1979)
Starring: Alain Devon, Susan Blakely, Robert Wagner, Sylvia Kristel, George Kennedy, Eddie Albert, Bibi Andersson, John Davidson, Andrea Marcovicci, Martha Raye, Cicely Tyson, Charro, Jimmie "J.J." Walker, David Warner, Mercedes McCambridge
Unbelievably lame chapter (hopefully the last) in the "Airport" series casts a group of "Love Boat" rejects on board the fastest plane in the world. Could danger be far behind? Only at the box office. The unintentionally hilarious "Airport" series was mercilessly parodied the following year in "Airplane!"

Cop and 1/2 (1993)
Starring: Burt Reynolds, Norman D. Golden II, Ruby Dee, Holland Taylor, Ray Sharkey
Burt Reynolds turns in a pathetic performance in this poor excuse for a children's comedy, which strangely had a plot similar to "Stop! or My Mom Will Shoot" (the Sylvester Stallone flop from the previous year). When a little kid (the mumbling Norman D. Golden II) witnesses a murder, he will only share his story if he is made a cop. Yeah, it could happen. If you ever wanted to know what the bottom of the barrel feels like, with this turkey, you're scraping it. Video copies should be equipped with subtitles anytime little Norman attempts dialogue. In his next to last screen role, Ray Sharkey looks very close to death. Director Henry Winkler played "Fonzie" on the hit television show "Happy Days."

Glen or Glenda? (1953)
Starring: Bela Lugosi, Dolores Fuller, Daniel Davis (Edward D. Wood, Jr.), Lyle Talbot, Timothy Farrell, "Tommy" Haynes, Charles Crafts, Conrad Brooks
Legendary bad cinema titan Ed Wood dreamed up this autobiographical docudrama about a man who must tell his fiance� he is a cross-dresser. Wood plays the tormented Glen (or is it Glenda?) under the assumed name, Daniel Davis. With wildly inept use of stock footage, inane script writing, and a totally out of place Bela Lugosi doing play by play commentary from a haunted house, it's easy to see why this is considered by some to be the worst movie ever made.

Godzilla (1998)
Starring: Matthew Broderick, Hank Azaria, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo, Harry Shearer, Kevin Dunn, Michael Lerner, Vicki Lewis, Doug Savant
Much hyped remake of "Godzilla" could have used less hype and more script. In fact, the amount of money Sony Pictures spent on advertising ("Size Matters") this film was probably more than the gross national product of many small countries. In the end, what we got for $150 million was proof positive that Matthew Broderick is no action star. Gosh, Sony executives could have saved themselves a lot of money if they had just asked us our opinion of Broderick's acting ability. By no means the worst film ever made, "Godzilla" (or "Godawful" as it became known in some circles) makes this list because of Sony's unrelentless hype that no film could have possibly lived up to. Starting in early 1998, billboards, posters, previews, and TV/radio spots were everywhere. There was no escaping the media blitz. But in what is probably the quickest case of instant karma on record, Sony's megahit played to empty movie houses throughout America. In fact, in only its third week, Stinkers co-founder Michael Lancaster found himself to be the only customer at a "Godzilla" screening. What does it say about a film when nobody even wants to SNEAK in?

Gone Fishin' (1997)
Starring: Joe Pesci, Danny Glover, Rosanna Arquette, Lynn Whitfield, Nick Brimble, Carol Kane, Willie Nelson
The worst of Joe Pesci's 1997 films (yes, even worse that "8 Heads in a Duffel Bag" if that's possible) finds the Academy Award winning actor trading barbs with an embarrassed looking Danny Glover. The pair are buddies on a vacation in Florida. This couldn't have even looked good on paper. You've got to wonder how a studio would decide to commit millions of dollars to an inept project like this. Sadly, an on-set accident involving a boat crash left a stuntwoman dead. This should never have been released. Is it too late to force Pesci to return his Oscar for "GoodFellas"?

Grease 2 (1982)
Starring: Maxwell Caulfield, Michelle Pfeiffer, Adrian Zmed, Lorna Luft, Didi Conn, Eve Arden, Sid Caesar, Dody Goodman, Tab Hunter, Connie Stevens
Dead-on-arrival sequel to the 1978 surprise hit "Grease" was literally laughed off movie screens upon its release. One of Paramount Pictures' biggest embarrassments.

Gymkata (1985)
Starring: Kurt Thomas, Tetchie Agbayani, Richard Norton, Edward Bell
Well, here's something you don't see every day. A martial arts film where the hero throws in a few gymnastic flips along with his karate kicks. It's even funnier on screen than it sounds on paper. Fresh from winning America's first Gold Medal for gymnastics at the 1984 Olympics, it was a sure bet Hollywood would find something for gymnast Kurt Thomas to do. No, he's not sweeping up spilled popcorn at the local multiplex. In this epic, Thomas is not only a world-class gymnast, he also works for the government! He is sent to a small country to be America's entrant in "The Game," a rigorous maze of certain death. If he makes it through in one piece, the foreign government will allow him to leave the country alive along with one favor. His favor: allow the U.S. to install a "Star Wars" satellite in their country to keep the world at peace. It's a good thing for Thomas that every time he gets in a tight spot, a piece of gymnastics apparatus (like a pommel horse) happens to be nearby. Hopefully, this film won't give other gymnasts the acting bug. We can see it now: Kerri Strug in "Gymkata 2: The Voice From Hell."

Heaven's Gate (1980)
Starring: Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken, Isabelle Huppert, Jeff Bridges, John Hurt, Sam Watterston, Brad Dourif, Joseph Cotten, Geoffrey Lewis, Richard Masur, Terry Quinn, Mickey Rourke, Willem Defoe
The biggest Hollywood flop of the 1980's, the title became synonymous for troubled and over budget film disasters. Director Michael Cimino's hopelessly inept big budget western boasted an all-star cast, but no story to speak of. It literally sent MGM into bankruptcy.

Howard The Duck (1986)
Starring: Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones, Tim Robbins, Paul Guilfoyle, Holly Robinson, Miles Chapin, Virginia Capers, David Paymer, Thomas Dolby, voice of Richard Kiley
Totally ridiculous garbage about an unlikeable, wise-quacking, cigar chomping, fowl-mouthed duck from another planet who is mysteriously transported to Earth. He is discovered by Lea Thompson, a singer in an awful pop-rock band. Film features one of the most unlikeable title characters to ever grace a movie screen, and some of the worst music ever recorded for a major motion picture. The title track sounds like warmed over Prince material. Universal Pictures should be ashamed for foisting this disaster on an unsuspecting world. One of the biggest embarrassments in motion picture history

Hudson Hawk (1991)
Starring: Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie MacDowell, James Coburn, Richard E. Grant, Sandra Bernhard, Donald Burton, David Caruso, Frank Stallone, Leonardo Cimino
Poorly paced big budget vanity vehicle for Bruce Willis features the "Die Hard" star as a master burglar. The day he's released from prison, he's blackmailed by the CIA into doing several dangerous art heists. Willis' wisecracks start to grate about midway through.

Ishtar (1987)
Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Warren Beatty, Isabelle Adjani, Charles Grodin
Regarded as the "Heaven's Gate" of movie comedies because of its cost overruns and production delays. Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman are two untalented singer-songwriters caught up in international intrigue in North Africa. Even worse than a Bob Hope-Bing Crosby "Road" picture. Paul Williams wrote the bad songs. Tragic.

Judge Dredd (1995)
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Diane Lane, Rob Schneider, Joan Chen, Jurgen Prochnow, Max von Sydow, Balthazar Getty
Typically loud Sylvester Stallone explosion-fest. Sly is a futuristic lawman (the judge, jury and executioner!) framed for murder by his brother. Not one of his best efforts. It is possible that even Sly is embarrassed by this one. Winner: Sylvester Stallone - Worst Actor - 1995 (The Stinkers).

Last Action Hero (1993)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austin O'Brien, F. Murray Abraham, Art Carney, Charles Dance, Robert Prosky, Frank McRae, Tom Noonan, Anthony Quinn
Arnold Schwarzenegger is Jack Slater, America's favorite action hero. When a young movie fan is given a magic ticket at a private screening of "Jack Slater IV" he mysteriously finds himself IN the movie he's watching. In this movie-within-a-movie, the kid (Austin O'Brien) becomes Slater's partner and spends most of his time trying to convince Slater that he is really an action film star, not a real person. The few good action sequences and funny lines couldn't save this flop, and the heavy metal song score was not a blessing. Columbia Pictures had no clue how to promote what became the big budget bomb of the 1993. A week after this film opened, the studio changed the newspaper ads to feature Schwarzenegger and the kid in a "fun" pose instead of showing Arnold holding a gun. But by then, it was too late. The word was out.

Leonard Part 6 (1987)
Starring: Bill Cosby, Tom Courtenay, Joe Don Baker, Moses Gunn, Pat Colbert, Gloria Foster, Victoria Rowell
When a band of animals starts killing top secret agents, retired spy Bill Cosby is called back into action. Cinematic torture. Even Cosby told audiences to stay away from this disaster, which is pretty damning considering he wrote and produced it.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)
Starring: Robin Shou, Talisa Soto, James Remar, Brian Thompson, Lynn "Red" Williams, Irina Pantaeva
Been there, done that yarn once again pits good versus evil. Hey, didn't we already win this battle. Countless fight scenes compete for screen time with some dreadful acting and unintentionally hilarious special effects thrown in for good measure.

North (1994)
Starring: Elijah Wood, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Bruce Willis, Jon Lovitz, Dan Aykroyd, Reba McEntire, John Ritter, Faith Ford, Abe Vigoda, Kathy Bates
Convinced his parents don't love him, an eleven-year-old boy goes to court and wins the right to choose new parents. Endless list of stars in mostly cameo roles are perspective parents. Absolutely dreadful. A real blunder from the usually dependable Rob Reiner. Movie critic Roger Ebert put it best: "I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it." Winner: Worst Film, Worst Actor (Bruce Willis) - 1994 (The Stinkers).

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)
Starring: Gregory Walcott, Tom Keene, Duke Moore, Mona McKinnon, Dudley Manlove, Joanna Lee, Tor Johnson, Lyle Talbot, Bela Lugosi, Vampira, Criswell
A group of aliens think they can conquer Earth by resurrecting corpses from a cemetery. Bela Lugosi died after only two days of filming, but that didn't stop legendary bad movie maker Ed Wood from completing this project. He hired a taller, younger man to finish Lugosi's remaining scenes. The man disguised himself in every scene by holding a cape to his face. Considered by some to be the worst movie ever made.

Police Academy (1984) and it's six torturous sequels
Starring: Steve Guttenberg (1-4), Bubba Smith (1-5), David Graf, Michael Winslow, George Gaynes, G.W. Bailey (4-7), Marion Ramsey (1-6)
There ought to be a law with mandatory prison time for any studio executive who ponders doing an eighth "Police Academy" film. The basic story of misfits who enroll in a big-city police academy and make the force is beat beyond recognition through six numbing sequels. Steve Guttenberg had the good sense to jump ship after #4. Most audience members bailed out with him.

The Postman (1997)
Starring: Kevin Costner, Will Patton, Larenz Tate, Olivia Williams, James Russo, Daniel Von Bargen, Tom Petty, Scott Bairstow, Roberta Maxwell
Pointless and overlong saga about a post-apocalypse survivor who passes himself off as a postman in order to give hope to the ravaged communities. Most critics advised this film be "returned to sender."

The Second Jungle Book: Mowgli and Baloo (1997)
Starring: Jamie Williams, Bill Campbell, Roddy McDowall, David Paul Francis, Gulshan Grover, Dyrk Ashton
Columbia/TriStar Pictures should have been embarrassed to put its name on this astonishingly bad (and most unwanted) continuation of Rudyard Kipling's classic tale about a boy raised in the Indian jungle. Here, the lad must fend off an evil circus animal procurer. Not to be confused with the far superior live action "Jungle Book" released by Disney in 1994. McDowall was nominated for a 1997 Worst Supporting Actor Stinker.

Showgirls (1995)
Starring: Elizabeth Berkley, Kyle MacLachlan, Gina Gershon, Glenn Plummer, Robert Davi, Alan Rachins, Gina Ravera, Lin Tucci, Greg Travis
Coming-of-age tale about a young woman who lap dances her way up the show business ladder of success as a Las Vegas showgirl. Huge doses of bad dialogue and nudity made this a titillating cult favorite. A real curiosity. After its initial box odffice failure, quick-thinking MGM executives re-released the film, promoting it as a campy comedy. No one was fooled. Winner: Worst Film - 1995 (The Stinkers).

Star Trek-The Motion Picture (1979) and the "odd numbered" original cast Star Drek sequels
Starring: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, Stephen Collins, Persis Khambatta, Nichelle Nichols, Walter Koenig
Talk about stumbling out of the gate! Paramount's attempt to cash-in on the mega success of "Star Wars" almost killed the "Star Trek" franchise before it began. Overlong, slow, and predictable, it's almost unforgivable that the home video version boasts an additional 12 minutes of footage!?! Numbers two and four were exquisite, while the odd numbered original cast sequels stunk to high heaven. Did any one else notice that the 70MM prints of "Star Drek 3: The Search For Spock" were noticeably out of focus? And the William Shatner-directed number five, "The Final Frontier" was not much to write home about either. In that epic, Walter Koenig has the most unintentionally funny lines. When this original Trek film was re-released as a special Thanksgiving matinee attraction in 1980, the marquee at our theatre read: "See a real turkey this Thanksgiving..." Nothing like truth in advertising.

Stop! or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Estelle Getty, JoBeth Williams, Roger Rees, Martin Ferrero, Gailard Sartain, Dennis Burkley
Second (and last) of Sylvester Stallone's comedy vehicles runs out of gas before the first reel ends. As the title so aptly describes, cop Stallone is visited by his cantankerous mother (played by TV's "Golden Girl" Estelle Getty). When mom witnesses a murder, she demands to be put on the case in exchange for her eyewitness account. Your tolerance for the completely obnoxious Getty will make or break this only occasionally funny film. Not based in any reality we know of.

Striptease (1996)
Starring: Demi Moore, Armand Assante, Burt Reynolds, Ving Rhames, Robert Patrick, Paul Guilfoyle, Rumer Willis, Frances Fisher
A single mom (Demi Moore) gets a job as a stripper to raise money to fight her ex-husband for custody of their child. Burt Reynolds plays a horny congressman. Coming less than a year after "Showgirls" didn't help this film's credibility. Winner: Worst Film - 1996 (The Stinkers).

Toys (1992)
Starring: Robin Williams, Michael Gambon, Joan Cusack, Robin Wright, LL Cool J, Donald O'Connor, Arthur Malet, Jack Warden, Debi Mazur, Blake Clark, Art Metrano, Yeardley Smith
Disappointing comedy about a family owned toy factory was supposedly a pet project for director Barry Levinson. When Robin Williams inherits the family business, he is undermined every step of the way by his uncle and cousin who are more interested in selling military secrets. On paper, it has merit, but fleshed out, it is an overlong nightmare. Williams' mellow performance and the film's heavy-handed anti-war message did not attract much of a crowd.

Under The Cherry Moon (1986)
Starring: Prince, Jerome Benton, Kristin Scott Thomas, Steven Berkoff, Francesca Annis, Emmanuelle Sallet, Victor Spinetti
Following his breakout performance in "Purple Rain," this was an unspeakably bad choice of projects for rock star Prince. The musician wrote, stars in and directs this boring period film, shot in black and white, about an American gigolo (a miscast Prince) romancing women on the French Riviera, circa 1940s. Only the casting of Pee-wee Herman in the lead role would have made this more unbelievable. As a director, Prince shows some real flair, but as an actor, he is in way over his head. The feature film debut of Kristin Scott Thomas.

Waterworld (1995)
Starring: Kevin Costner, Dennis Hopper, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Tina Majorino, Michael Jeter, Sab Shimono, Robert Joy, R.D. Call, Zakes Mokae, Leonardo Cimino, Gerard Murphy
The "Heaven's Gate" of the 90's is really a liquid version of "The Road Warrior." Nicknamed "Fishtar" and "Waterlogged" by industry insiders, this notorious film was Hollywood's most expensive flop upon its release. Probably not as bad as it was made out to be, the film never recovered from a pre-release swell of bad publicity.


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