TOP 10





Top 10 things to do at a hanson concert


10) you spray a female perfume on them.
9) you scream as loud as you can "Taylor wets the bed." (he use to).
8) you make sure you're up front with your battery powered razor is working.
7) you throw you sister's/mom's make up at them to see if they pick it up.
6) you steal that body gaurds gun.
5) you make sure you steal your sisters CDs to throw at there heads.
4) you buy a VIP pass to tell them they suck and you hate them.
3) you bring the school retard to say "He did it."
2) you make sure you've got your running shoes on.
1) you're screams of fear could shatter glass.


Top 10 things Hanson Said When They Went To See Halloween H20


10 = "Why isn't Leo in this movie?"
9 = "I hope they don't show Michelle Williams naked." "Yeah, that'd be gross!"
8 = "When are they gonna take Michael Myers' mask off?" "Forget his mask! When are they taking his pants off?"
7 = "They just killed off Joseph Gordon Levitt! Do we HAVE to watch the rest of the movie?"
6 = "Isaac, I'm scared! Hold me!"
5 = "Where's that cute guy with the perm from Part 2?"
4 = "I can't handle this, Isaac! It's too scary for me!" "See, Tay? We should've gone to see 'The Parent Trap' like I wanted to!"
3 = "What's that noise in the background?" "Someone said it was called 'music'." "Oh. No wonder I didn't know what it was!"
2 = "Who's that sexy guy with the big nose?"
1 = "Why is that guy running? I'd love to have Michael Myers chase me!"


Top 10 Reasons AOL is Better Than Hanson


10. Web page space to set up an Anti-Hanson site.
9. Hanson doesn't give their CDs away for free.
8. The AOL CD (when placed in a CD-Player) sounds better than Hanson.
7. More people pretending to be girls.
6. Access to the net to buy and download REAL music.
5. A busy signal sounds better than Hanson's "music."
4. AOL has cut back on marketing, Hanson is all over radio and MTV.
3. You won't get nearly as much flame mail if you claim not to like them.
2. In 6 months AOL will still be popular.
1. Hanson no longer has an account.


Top Ten Reasons To Hate Hanson


10. They're guys in girls' hair.
9. They need a new video.
8. They need haircuts.
7. Who the is their barber?
6. Clothes. (one word says it all)
5. They like wearing SPANDEX.
4. Is MMMBop even a song?????
3. What is MMMBop anyways???
2. Why? Because we said so!
1. Watch their video and you'll see why.


Top ten things hanson is saying to each other when noone's around


10. Where are those guys that play the music?
9. Has anyone seen my "Glamour" magazine?
8. How about "MMMM bop 2: The Lost World"?
7. I'm tellin' mom!
6. I'm going to hold my breath till you tell who "The New Kids on the Block" are, and why everyone keeps tellin' us we're going to be just like them in a year.
5. Why do guys keep asking me out?
4. Hi Mr. Milli, Mr. Vanilli, now how do we act like we're singing again?
3. No, more through the nose, people like to hear you sing through your nose.
2. Let's listen to Spicegirls!
1. Are people actually buying our crap?


Top Ten Things the Hanson Manager is Thinking


10. Man, what's the name of that group with the three girls?
9. Well, they spend a lot on hair care products, but they are cute.
8. Why do they spend so long in the bathroom?
7. Speaking of the bathroom, why do they always go to the bathroom together?
6. Wasn't that youngest hanson girl on "Home Improvement"?
5. Why is there receipt, in this expenses folder, for tampons?
4. These guys are going to take off, just like "Ace of Base" could have under me.
3. Maybe they can get on the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 4" soundtrack.
2. DAMN, another show cancelled, I wish there mom would stop grounding them.
1. I wonder if we can get Barney to open for them?


Top 10 uses for a Hanson CD


10)A burglar alarm which will really scare intruders.
9)Something on which to test your new hammer and chisel.
8)The one thing in the world that will make Jehovah's Witnesses go away.
7)An icon in a satanic ritual.
6)Something with which to slash your wrists.
5)A specimen in a study of the flammability of household products.
4)A frisbee
3)A device for forcing confessions in a police interrogation.
2)Proof of the philisophical notion that humankind is essentially evil.
1)Something to test if your toilet flushes properly.


Top Ten Things I?ve Heard DJs Say About Hanson


10. That middle one looks alot like my younger niece.
9. Oh, isn't that cute, they "broke it down" for us.
8. Is it just me or is that just about the cutest girl-band you've ever seen.
7. Baby no, is that the baby or is that medusa. The hair has GOT to go.
6. (Said directly after 7) Oops, did I say that on air?
5. What the @#$% are they saying???
4. Isn't that cute, they started their own little band.
3. Did he just dis my mother? (Refering to the song, "Mmmbop".
2. Please, just stop whining.
1. All I have to say is that they probaly got teased alot at school


Top 10 Places that describe a "Cookie Cutter World"


10. A place where someone actually watches all "8 great hours of Andy"
9. The only place besides America that has residents foolish enough to elect Bill Clinton to any position besides McDonald's manager
8. A place where "jealous" is spelled "jealouse"
7. a place where everyone's parents can afford a big label record deal
6. Horseboy and Chubby Zac runnin' through the forrest, ooda-lolly ooda-lolly day!
5. The place O.J. claims to have been during the murders
4. A pleasant estate that "Striper", "Iron Butterfly", "Janis Joplin", "The Romantics" and Morton Downey Jr. have already retired to
3. I don't know, but I know Puff Daddy is touring their with lil' Kim
2. It's right next to Uranus
1. A place where hanson fans aren't necessarily underachievers


Top 10 finishings to the "snowed in" Christmas album title


10. Snowed In... with no diaphragms
9. Snowed In... and reading FRIDA.com
8. Snowed In... and hanson mom and dad are working on expanding the family even more
7. Snowed In... with our complete home enema kits
6. Snowed In... and Santa wants a spanking
5. Snowed In... hahaha, we fooled you, this is just the "Middle of Nowhere" CD with a different cover
4. Snowed In... with hard-ons
3. Snowed In... with a ghost faced killa, and a bowl of tomato soup (don't ask)
2. Snowed In... and wrestling naked under the covers
1. Snowed In... Isaac has a soar throat, Zac is treating his bleeding anus, and Rudolf now glows on both ends, and Taylor's about to chasen the elves.


Top 10 things that would most likely happen on a date with a hanson


10. You find yourself sitting next to Taylor at the beauty parlor, getting your hair and nails done.
9. You find yourself sitting behind the computer, looking at the JTT homepage, and sending him annonomous love emails
8. "Garson, another round of twinkies for everyone, on me!"
7. "Damn it, the whole date started as a dare!"
6. "Isaac, is that perfume I smell?"
5. "Taylor, are those my new cloggs?"
4. You find yourself playing laser tag for free after Tay flashes the manager.
3. You keep tieing Zac's shoe, cause he can't reach them, or see them for that matter, with his big gut.
2. You find yourself playing chess with chewbacca. Oh, no... it's Isaac!
1. You find yourself happily slapping Taylor's ass at a gay bar.


Top 10 Surgeon General Warnings that should appear on the hanson CD


10. Use of this product without proper ear, protection may result in the loss of hearing and brain activity
9. Use of this product by males in the presence of other males may result in the developement of hemerhoids
8. Discontinue the use of this product if at any point you feel the need to hire a disgruntled postal worker to give the makers of "We Hate hanson Girls" what you call "their due".
7. Purchasing this product will result in you becoming more stupid than you already are for picking it up in the first place
6. Not intended for human comsumption, but is liken to that of human excretion
5. Use of this product while pregnant may result in a child with, high birth weight, characteristics of the opposite sex, or the birth of the first centurion since ancient Greece, or creature liken to that of Motarro from Mortal Kombat 3
4. Opening this package may call up ghastly monstrousities that may result in serious injury to your adorable fuzzy pets
3. Use of this product will result in the desire to read the almighty "FRIDA" and turn toward Sweden and pray on a daily basis, kneeling on your Taylor hanson picture mat, and paying homage to the Zeus of the paparatzzi and their tribute to one of the 12 hottest guys known to man, an proverbial Adonis of enternity, TayTay.
2. Use of this product by uninformed persons with brains will result in the feeling of hopelessness, pity for the less fortuanate that enjoy this crap, nauseia, and suicidal delusions.
1. If you know what's good for you, you'll pick up smoking, drinking, and/or the use of illegal narcotics rather than purchasing this CD.


Top 10 Most frequently said things by the rest of the hanson family


10. Another show, do we have to go?
9. I'm tired of answering all of Taylor's fan mail
8. Quick, get Zac's brownies out of the oven
7. Yeah, Taylor's my sister...I mean brother.
6. Where is Isaac's feed bag?
5. Mom, Dad, will you buy us a record deal too?
4. Why aren't the guys playing at the Lylith Fair?
3. If they get a coke commercial, I get a free coke!
2. I say we expose them as the frauds they are.......quite, mom's coming.....the code word is "Expose hanson for the frauds they are" don't tell anyone!
1. What the hell is that noise coming from Taylor's room?


Top 10 Things Hanson will do when they grow up


10. Sit on corners and take money people give them to shut them up
9. Be the next in line to have Michael Jackson's baby
8. "Would you like fries with that?"
7. "Striptease II"
6. G.L.O.W. (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling)
5. "Attention K-Mart shoppers, buy a box of kitty litter, and get a hanson CD free!"
4. Host of MTV's show "One Hit Wonders"
3. Plugging the roly-kit, and acne staton on the "Home Shopping Network"
2. Drinking, a lot of drinking
1. Settle down, and just try to be good housewives


Top 10 Things to Ask Hanson on the Oprah Show


10. When are we going to get to see your new Beanie Babies?
9. Can the horse boy really open coconuts with his head?
8. Is the little one going on a diet anytime soon because....MAN is he fat!?
7. Do you refer to Chucky Cheese as the place you like to go to pick up the WILD women?
6. Are you mad at your father for making you do this?
5. Have you ever picked up a transvestite on the street and given it a ride because you are nice guys?
4. Do you brush your teeth with milkbones for extra shine?
3. Where did you get that really cute skort?
2. Who is better Jacko or Rupaul?
1. How do you get all that body.....does THE Paul Mitchell do your hair?


Top 10 ways to know you've been kidnapped and taken to a hanson concert


10. You're worried about all the other kids that were surely abducted and are being subjected to this inhumane torture
9. There is a big sign behind the stage that says "CHEER OR ELSE!"
8. The concession stand sells ring pops
7. You may be delirious from being unconscious, but you could swear that Wilson Phillips is on stage!
6. You spot a balloon animal making clown (that looks like John Wayne Gacey) in the crowd
5. PBS has a film crew there taping for the next Seseame Street
4. You wonder when you'll get your chance to play, since it's obviously open-mic night
3. A group of 8 year old girls is holding up a sign that says "We agree with "FRIDA" Tay"
2. You buy a t-shirt to do lawnwork in
1. You not only pinch yourself, but beat yourself in the groin, to make sure you're not having a nightmare!


Top 10 things that "I went to a hanson concert and all I got was...


10. A throbbing headache"
9. This lousy t-shirt with a picture of 'Mr. Ed' on it"
8. An hour of good sleep"
7. A Toys 'R' Us coupon booklet"
6. The insane desire to go to throw up
5. Shrapnel in my eye from the bomb that someone tried to blow up the stage with"
4. A 'Tickle-me-Elmo' doll that a girl dropped on the ground while jumping around like a rabid cat during 'Mmmbop'"
3. 'You can learn to like Hanson' motivational tape"
2. Tickets to another concert to try to make it look full"
1. A hot girl named Taylor's phone number"


Top 10 possibilities for the amount of time an "mmmbop" refers to

We hear it's supposed to be a really short time, so these are some possibilities:
10. The amount of time it takes for any given band member to become aroused while thinking about another band member naked!
9. The amount of time it takes for me to snap a hanson CD in half, if someone trys to slip it in my CD player
8. How long it would take an 8 yr. old girl to whip all three of their fly weight asses
7. How long they have actually spent playing instruments
6. How long till their CD is a blue light special at K-Mart
5. The amount of time it took to write the lyrics to "mmmbop"
4. The amount of time I've spent at hanson fan pages
3. The amount of time Zach DOESN'T have food in his mouth
2. The amount of time between calls from pre-teens requesting "mmmbop" on local radio stations
1. How long any person with a brain can listen to hanson without suffering from nausia!


Top 10 situations I would like to see hanson in


10. In the ring with Iron Mike, with no ear muffs!
9. Caught putting pictures of the pope in Sinead O'Conner's house
8. In a stimulating situation with Rupaul
7. A pinata at Ken Griffey Jr.'s birthday party!
6. Having to play their own instruments LIVE!
5. Charged with choking themselves to death in a bathroom stall at the prom!
4. Naked running down the street from Snoop Dog and the West Side, in LBC!
3. Coming out with a second CD, that anyone will buy!
2. Demolition derby in the mmmbop mobile!
1. Bent over picking up some soap at the local prison, after getting charged with the hanson/heritage USA scandal!


Top 10 Persons Influencing hanson Music


10. Spice Girls (I 'll tell you what I want, Die Hanson!)
9. Jacko (for more than one reason; we have one word for you Neverland Ranch....ooops that's two now isn't it?)
8. Jem and the Holograms (but we all knew that already)
7. Bagpipes (hey we appreciate diverse sounds and music delivery, but that kid does sound like a/some bagpipes)
6. 10,000 rabid, wailing spider monkeys on PCP
5. Gwar (the teenage years)
4. The Beatles (WHAT?! I don't think so)
3. Bush/Gwen Steffani (same thing, actually is a man)
2. The blender down at the local O'Flanagan's Pub and Tavern. They have stout and ale and other drinking stuff even with the little pink umbrellas.
1. Jackson Five (but one of them actually had some talent; Hanson just steals their ideas)


Top 10 possibilities for the title of the new hanson album


10. "Come on, if you buy this one, we swear we won't tell anyone you bought the last one"
9. "This one's not as bad!"
8. "Girl Power"
7. "Smells like teen...CRAP!"
6. "You remember us...The kids...you know...the 'mmmbop' song?"
5. "We're guys, damnit!"
4. "hanson's greatest hits, all the songs you loved off the hit album 'Middle of Nowhere' "
3. "hanson: unplugged/untalented in Oklahoma"
2. "Automatic for the Kiddies"
1. "Anti-Christ Superdragqueen"


Top 10 pay-per-view events I would pay to see hanson in


10. Zac vs. "The Hamburgler" in an eating contest
9. Squeezing lemons with an open wound for dollars
8. Isaac in a jousting competition with the lead singer of "Savage Garden"
7. Taylor and Isaac vs. Mel C and Mel B (from the spice girls), in a no disqualification caged "hair vs. hair" wrestling match
6. Taylor and Isaac against Chang and Graf in mixed tennis doubles
5. "Intimate Cofessions from she-males 8"
4. "Ultimate make-up applying championship"
3. A demolition derby with Bananarama and Wilson-Phillips, but only Richard Petty gets a car!
2. World Cup championship wearing a "Soccer/futbal is for sissies" shirt at mid-field
1. Opening for GWAR!


The Top Ten Rejected Hanson Movie Titles


10) MmmmBomb!
9) Taylor and the Chipmunks.
8) The Hanson Movie: Coming Soon to Your Local Blockbuster Video Store.
7) Little Women.
6) Two Girls and a Baby.
5) GI Wish I was Jane.
4) Honey, I Exploited the Kids.
3) Hanson: American Eunuchs.
2) How to Make Asses of Yourselves on an Awards Show.
1) Tips for Teenage Boys on How to Apply Make-Up:
A Documentary with the Hanson brothers.


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