JOKES






I just love to have a good laugh, Dont you ?
I conside myself as having a good sense of humour. And this joke page of mine reflects that. Here you will find all kinds of jokes for all kinds of topics. There is no person or no thing that I consider to be off limits at making fun of. Hell I even make jokes about dead people.
So be warned if you are a person that is easily offended then this is definately not for you.
So if you just had a bad day, take a good deep breath and continue on with some hilarious gags, because I gaurentee they will make you laugh.

Murphy's Law

Bar Jokes

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What Is The Internet

Bumber Stickers

Dumb Signs

Dumb People

PAYNE STEWART JOKES

Q=How does Payne Stewart's jet depressurize?
A=When it gets a hole in one.
Q=How did he know his plane was in trouble??
A=It started going putt.. putt.. putt... putt... putt... putt
Biggest divot he ever left!
Q=Unlike his Golf Balls,
A=Payne did not stay in the air very long!
Q=Obviously Payne Stewart won the golf tournament.
A=He finished 6 under.
Q=St Peter to Payne Stewart.
A="Serves you right for wearing those f***ing pants!"
Q=Where can you find Payne Stewart's new line of clothing?
A=All over South Dakota.
Q=The plane with Payne crashed mainly in the plains.
Q=Teed off in Florida, hole's in Texas, landed in South Dakota...
A=Does South Dakota count as the rough?
Q=What does Big Bird and Payne Stewart have in common?
A=Both are goofy looking and neither one can fly.
Q=Fore!?
A=No, the plane went down with FIVE.
Q=John Denver, JFK Jr, and now Stewart.
A=They go in 3's . what a Payne!
Q=What is Payne Stewarts' handicap?
A=His flight crew.
Q=Uh oh, Payne Stewart's driver has gone cold...
A=He's as good as dead.
Q=There was a young golfer called Payne,
Who decided to fly in a plane.
He ran out of air,
His fuel tanks ran bare,
And now his whole life's down the drain.
Q=If a birdie is 1 under and an eagle 2 under...
A=Is a Lear worth 5 under?
Q=What does Monica Lewinsky and Payne Stewart have in common.
A=They both wore ugly hats and went down.
Q=Why didn't Payne Stewart win more championships.
A=Prefers to work under pressure!
The final hole is a 4000 mile dog leg to the left.
Q=Payne Stewart is obviously a better driver than his pilot!
Q=Be Warned! Candle In The Wind Alert!!!
Songs rewritten for Payne Stewart:
Elton John: Crack In the Window Payne
Elton John: De-Compression In The Wind
Celine Deion: My Sandwedge Will Go On
Garbage: The Altitude Is Not Enough
Bette Midler: The Wind Blowing Off My Wings
Billy Joel: Still Pitch And Roll To Me
Q=What was the furthest hole-in-one in pro golf history?
A=Payne Stewart: 1,479 nautical miles (from Orlando, Florida to Mina, South Dakota)
Q=Plane troubles???
A=Mechanic said "I guess that the plane wasn't up to par"
Q=PGA stands for Plane Gone Awol
Q=Epitaph
"Good under pressure...........................not so good without."
Q=What they said
European Ryder Cup Captain - "One down, eleven to go"
FAA Investigator - " Pilot, co-pilot and auto-pilot --- useless. He should have taken his driver."
Wishful Thinker - "At last -- another dead bunker player" Adolf Hitler
One air traffic controller to another: Hmm...would you say that was a hook or a slice
Q=There going to make a film about Payne Stewart called
A=Dead Man Flying
Q=I understand that Payne Stewart is 6-under in South Dakota...
Q=They say Payne Stewart was a Cold man
A=But for 4 hours at 45,000 ft with the door open.... You'd be cold too...
Q=They say he was about to form his own airline called
A=Air Stewart
Q=What was the last thing Payne Stewart said after he left Orlando?
A=Hey what does this latch do?
Q=Payne Stewart Epitath
A=Here lies Payne Stewart - he should have stuck to driving
Q=So Payne Stewart's plane crashes after he sends the entire plane to sleep with golf anecdotes.
Q=Squish ! What a mess, guess the grave will have to be marked as Plane Stewart.
Q=It was so sudden: Morning: Payne Stewart Afternoon: Extreme Payne Stewart.
Q=Well that's life as a golf pro - hole in one on one day and ones in a hole the next day.
Q=Finally what was the last message from the pilot ?
A= Fore !!!
Q=The last thing Payne Stewart said
A=Can I get a drop?
Q=Bye the way, Payne Stewart
A=Don't forget to replace your divet.

JOHN KENNEDY JOKES
Q=Why didn't JOHN KENNEDY take a shower before his plane flight.
A=He figured he'd wash up on shore.
Q=What do the KENNEDYS fear most about Marthas Vineyard.
A=The Runway.
Q=What does JOHN KENNEDY and Penguins have in common.
A=They are both cute and can't fly.
Q=What will it take to bring The Kennedys back together again.
A=One more bullet.
Q=How did John Kennedy learn to fly.
A=On a Crash Course.
Q=What were Saint Peters first words to John Kennedy.
A=Just because your name was on an Airport doesn't mean you could fly.
When word got out in the afterlife that that John Kennedy had fallen into the ocean. . . Owen Hart said "Water! Why didn't i think of that.
Q=Why aren't there mose John Kennedy jokes out there.
A=They just haven't Surfaced Yet !


KURT KOBAIN JOKES
Q=Why did Kurt Kobain shoot himself.
A=Because he could no longer shoot up the charts.
Q=Did you hear that Nirvana are planning to make another album.
A=If they can find a lead singer who can keep his head together.
Q=Whats red and grey and hanging on the wall beside the sofa.
A=Kurt Kobains brain.
Q=Whats red and has more brains than Kurt Kobain.
A=The wall behind him.
Q=What was the last thing Kurt Kobain said to Courtney Love.
A=Holes gonna be really big.
Q=Whats got 6 arms,6 legs and 2 heads.
A=Nirvana.
Q=Whats got 4 arms,4 legs 2 heads and working at McDonalds.
A=Nirvana.
Q=What was the best thing that Kurt Kobain ever realesed.
A=The safety catch on his gun.
Q=What colour were Kurts eyes.
A=Blue,one blew this way ,the other blew that way.
You know Kurt Kobain would have had a great career if he hadn't gone shooting his mouth off.
Q=Why were they're only 2 pallbearers at Kurt Kobains funeral.
A=Because theres only 2 handles on a garbage can.


MICHAEL HUTCHENCE JOKES
When it comes to suicide...at least Michael Hutchence had more brains than Kurt Kobain.
Q=What does INXS stand for.
A=In Need of eXtra Singer.
Q=What does Hutchence stand for.
A=H anging U nder T he C handelier E nds N ext C oncert E vent.
Q=What do the rest of INXS think of Michael Hutchence hanging himself.
A=No noose is good noose.
Q=Why do girls like Michael Hutchence.
A=Because he is well hung.
Q=Why did Michael Hutchence hang himself.
A=Because he was roped into it.
Q=Why did Michael Hutchence prefer to stay at the Ritz Carlton.
A=Because it was a cool place to hang.
Q=How do you re-unite INXS.
A=Five more ropes.
Q=Why didn't Michael Hutchence play golf.
A=Because he was too much of a choker.
Q=Why did Michael Hutchence hang himself.
A=Because he had to many hang-ups.
Q=What has INXS renamed themselves.
A=INAcoffin.


JOHN LENNON JOKES
Q=What was John Lennons last hit.
A=The pavement.
Q=What song did John Lennon sing just before he died.
A=He shot me Yeah Yeah Yeah.
After John Lennon dies....he had 3 days to prove his remark comparing himself to Jesus was true.
Q=What came out of John Lennons head when he was shot.
A=Beatlejuice.


MILLI VANILLI JOKES
Q=Why didn't they report that Milli was dead until 2 days after his death.
A=Because they thought he was faking his death.
Milli was well liked in the music industry...Elton John was going to lip-sync at his funeral.
If Vanilli dropped dead in the forest...would he make a sound.
Q=Whats the difference between Milli Vanilli and the Titanic.
A=The Titanic is still making money from sinking.
Q=Whats the difference between Milli's heart and Milli Vanilli's music.
A=The music had a good beat.

YOU KNOW YOUR A REDNECK IF
You've got more than one brother named Darryl
You think wrestling is foreplay
The people on the Jerry Springer show remind you of your neighbours
You've been married three times and you've still got the same in-laws
You carry a fishing pole to Seaworld
You think they'res nothing wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family
Your family tree has no forks
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life
You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge
A seven course mean is a bucket of KFC and a six pack
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same class
It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it
You've been on TV more than five times describing the sound of a tornado
The FBI surrounded your Trailor Park twice so far this year On thanksgiving day you decide which pet to eat
You think taking out the trash means taking your in-laws to a film
The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it
You've got more than three cousins named "Bubba"
You've ever come home and found crime scene tape accross your front porch
You have the word "howdy" on your answering machine
You've painted your car with house paint
You've been banned from the local zoo because you disturb the monkeys
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand
You don't watch the Oscars ceremony because "smokey and the bandit" was snubbed for best picture