DUMB PEOPLE
About 6 months ago as I was passing a pizza/sub place I decided I would really like to have a sub for my lunch. Since I had my 2-year-old son and my younger brother (17) with me I asked him to go in and get it. He asked me what I wanted and I decided on roast beef with mayo, lettuce and tomatoes. When he came back to the car I just had to have a couple of bites before the 20 minute drive home, and when I opened it up it was just mayo, lettuce and tomatoes. He was trying so hard to remember what I wanted on it, he forgot to tell them what kind.
I work at the front desk of a car rental agency. One day, two gentlemen from Italy arrived with a business associate, an American serving as their tour guide and "interpreter." So I'm explaining all the terms of the rental agreement to the guys from Italy, who understand English pretty well. The guy who came with them, however, kept on interrupting me because he was "interpreting" what I was saying; not by translating what I was saying in Italian; but he was repeating what I was saying in louder English.
Mark and I were in a minor car accident and the driver of the other car told us he was deaf, so Mark asked him for his phone number so he could phone him instead!
A deaf couple came into the restaurant where I used to work. They spoke to each other using sign language and gave the (blonde) hostess a note stating they would like a table for two in non-smoking. She led them to their table and gave them their menus - the Braille menus!!
I was at the grocery store with my mom, and I had decided to start taking multivitamin supplements. So I went over to where they were and chose One-A-Day's for women. When my mother came over to see what I had picked, what question did I ask? "Mom, how often do you take these?"
I was 18 and in the Air Force, and had just bought my first car. It was at Fairchild AFB, near Spokane, Washington, and the car was a 1955 Oldsmobile. I had paid $50.00 for it. My buddy and I decided to take it for a drive over to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Nearing the city, we heard a "chop...chop...chop" sound. We parked at a restaurant and shut the car off. Went inside to eat, and then returned to the car. The car would not start. I raised the hood, and my buddy and I, (both of us REALY STUPID!) just stood there looking at the engine, not knowing a thing about cars. A man came up to see if we needed help. He told us that my battery was gone. Apparently, it was not tied or bolted down and it fell into my fan blades. Well, this man put his battery in my car to get it started and then took it out. He told us that when we get back to Spokane, to go buy a battery. Well, we drove all the way back to Spokane, and stopped in a gas station and bought a battery, ($19.95 in 1971). Well, we put that battery in, and as we went around the cloverleaf onramp to get back on the freeway, we heard chop..chop.chop"
Once while riding around Myrtle Beach with my parents, I saw a sign that read "Topless Bar". My sister and I, both pre-adolescents, wondered how did the bar-goers keep from getting wet when it rains. The thought occupied my mind for years until someone finally told me what a topless bar was!
Occasionally I pick up a treat from work for my six-year-old son, Timmy. One day, after picking him up from school, I gave him a pack of Crispy M&M's. As we drove home, he sat silently in the back seat eating his candy. When we arrived home I asked how he liked his treat. "They were so good that I ate them one at a time so they would last longer" he told me. "So you savored every one of them," I asked. "No dad", he said, "I didn't savor any of them. I told you, I ate them all".
I once called my aunt who lives in another state and talked for about an hour. Before we ended our conversation, I asked her if I had her telephone number?
I remember when I was about 12 or 13 years old (long before mobile phones) my Dad would take me out into the bush (forest, scrub - Depends on where you come from) with him while he was engaged in his firewood business. He had a fairly old truck at the time. One of those with the headlights mounted on the mudguard. Anyway on the way home the old truck stops and Dad works out that the fuel pump has gone to the fuel pump graveyard. No problems for him of course, he simply gets an old bottle from the truck and siphons fuel into it from the tank. It was my job to pour the fuel directly into the carburetor to keep the truck going. When the bottle emptied we would fill it and start all over again. Well you can guess what happens...I don't like the idea, but Dad's size 10 boots win the day and we give it a go. Naturally I overdo it, the motor backfires, big flames shoots out of the carburetor, I jump off the truck and Dad starts yelling. Eventually I was coaxed into trying it again and believe it or not (and this is 100% true story) we eventually got home. I don't know who was sillier, me for doing it although under pressure, or my Dad for even suggesting it. I certainly do not recommend you try it.
I live in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada and I'm 14 years old. The tourists here can get so stupid. They always ask me what time they turn off the falls. I usually reply back, trying to sound like an idiot too 'about the same time they roll up the side walks. And they look at ME weird!
Back in my high school days, I had just barely got my new pair of contact lenses. I came home really late from somewhere one night and went to take out my contacts and put them to soak. I didn't bother to turn on the lights. The optical had given me some small sample bottles of lens cleaner and I went to reach for this and put my lenses to soak. It wasn't until the next morning when I put my lenses in that I discovered my mistake. I had grabbed a bottle of Murine eye drops instead of the cleaning solution, and had dyed my contact lenses yellow! Except for the faint yellow tint, I could still see out of them just fine and wore them for 2 weeks until my replacement lenses arrived. Now think about this; my eyes are bright blue. Yellow contact lenses mixed with blue eyes produce the most "glow in the dark", bright GREEN cat eyes that you ever saw! I'd be sitting in class and the teacher would look at me, then look again! When I called different opticals and explained the problem, asking what could be done, nobody believed me. They all were laughing their heads off and a few of them said "no way!" and hung up on me.
Some years back in the Texas legislature the Senators were debating an English-only bill. It was very heated and at one point one of our brilliant Texas Senators stood up with bible in hand said, "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ it should be good enough for everybody."
My friend was talking with her friend before class one day, and said something stupid. Her friend then asked her if she had blonde roots. My friend replied stupidly, "I don't know, I have to ask my mom."
One day we were over at some friends' house and one of my other friends had her cordless phone with her. She wanted to call her husband who was back at her house next door and couldn't on her own phone. So she asked her son to use the phone at the house we were at to call home. Well he went in to dial and sure enough the cordless starts ringing and my friend answers it, forgetting that she was trying to call her own house.
I'm a 14-year-old girl who...yes is blonde.... but to the story. I was with my sister in a restaurant in Ocean City and I was walking to the table. When I glanced to my side I thought that I saw someone with the same shirt on as me, and since I only got a quick glance I looked the other way and said 'hey that girl has my shirt' to my sister. Then she replied "ummmmmm I think that is a mirror?"
One day my sister, mother and I were all in the kitchen. My mother began to make dinner when my sister asked if she wanted some help. My mother of course said; yes you can help by getting the ingredients out. She (my sister) began to get all the ingredients out when my mother asked; "What are the olives for?" My sister replied we need olive oil...
I worked in a daycare when I was 17 and one day one of the caregivers told me that she had cleaned her room really well, all I had to do was mop the floor. She said all it needed was some elbow grease. Well, the owner came in while I was in the supply room and asked me what I was looking for, so I told her....elbow grease.
I work in a hospital (where you actually should have a little bit of intelligence-no such luck) We had a girl work with us for awhile who wasn't very bright. Another woman in our department had been trying to have a child for years. She had finally turned to adoption and was waiting to go pick up her new born son from Russia. The dumb secretary looked at us one day and said how brave she thought the young woman was to go over seas and adopt. She said she had heard of many problems that they would have to face, but she said teaching them English would probably be the hardest part.
I was at the royal show in Perth and I came across a sign the size of a car saying $2 shop. I went in there with my family and my brother came to me with an item and asked, "How much is this?"
My neighbor Gus put on my dogs electric fence dog collar. He ran over the wire where the collar shocks you. He asked me, "Why did it hurt?" I said it's for training dogs not to run out of the yard. He said, "But I'm not a dog!"
My mom had a friend whose daughter was only two years older than me. When she first got her license, she went to go get gas. She pumped the gas and paid for it. When she pulled out she heard a snap, but she thought that it was someone else's car, so she kept going. When she got home she realized that she had forgotten to put the pump back in its slot and it had snapped off and gone with her.
My best friend's little sister had just received her license. She was taking over his car because he had gotten a new one. He told her that before she could take the car she would have to go the gas station and get summer air for her tires because the winter air was not good. So she went and asked the gas station manager where she could get her summer air! He laughed about it for days!
A teenager from Illinois quit her job as a lifeguard because she actually had to save someone from drowning.
My friends and I were waiting outside chapel at school. I was looking at one of my friends cause something looked different. Then my other friend says to her, "Your hair looks longer, did you cut it?"
I work at Toys "R" Us and we ask for the phone number of the customer before the transaction begins. Well this customer comes up to me today and I said "May I have your telephone number please?" The guy says, "Do you want to whole thing?" "Well yeah, half isn't going to do me much good." So he says, " Well I won't give you all of it maybe the last 4 numbers but not the whole thing."
About a year ago I was in a play where I was cast as an old woman. At the time I had been going through a slightly punk stage and had bright blue streaks through my hair. Since the play was humorous, my director decided not to cover up my hair and play on the "old ladies with blue hair" thing. So today I was watching a video of the play with my boyfriend, when he said, "Why didn't they cover up your blue hair?" I tried to explain to him, "Old ladies sometimes put a blue rinse in their hair to make it brighter, but a lot of them do it wrong and it comes out blue, so we were just hoping people would get that." My boyfriend looked confused. "No," he said. "I've never heard of that." "Trust me," I assured him. "Lot's of old ladies do it by accident." "Well," he huffed. "I'VE never seen a blue lady with old hair."
One day my grandmother was talking on the phone to her youngest son. She was moving about the house doing something. Then she started going up and down the stairs to the second floor and the basement frantically. Finally she told my uncle that she couldn't find the cordless phone and that she had to call him back. Naturally I started to laugh hysterically because she had been talking on it the whole time.
I was eating lunch with my boyfriend one day and I started choking on my drink. He asked me if I was ok and I replied, "Yeah it just went down the wrong throat!"
My parents (I'm only 12) own a seashell store that has a giant sign in about 3-foot high letters that says "SEASHELLS", alright? Well, a (blonde)woman drove up and walked into our store one day. After looking around for a while, she asked us "Do you sell seashells?" She looked even more confused than she already was when I nearly exploded with laughter!
One morning, Vern, our neighbor remarked that there was a fatal accident down our street last night. About 1:00AM a car left the road and slammed into the new house down the street. Stupidly, I asked, "Did it kill him?" "You bet" Vern said, "Killed him dead!"--
One time I went to a mall with my then 13 month old daughter, and a blonde teenager was serving us. I asked for a strawberry slushy for myself and a yogurt for my daughter. When I was to pay she asked me "Will she be paying for her yogurt separately?" I'm sorry but she gave the smart blondes a bad name.
My family were returning to Australia from England. The day after we arrived there my dad went to put on deodorant. He came back saying that the deodorant felt stickier then usual. He lifted up his arms to put on a t-shirt and we all burst out laughing. The 'deodorant' was black. He had put on black shoe polish.
I work for an insurance agency, and one of our claims representatives received one of the funniest calls I've ever heard of. She received a call from a gentleman who had somewhat of a southern accent, who was frantic because he was an insured of ours and had just been involved in a multiple-car pileup on the interstate. The claims rep asked the gentleman, "Were you cited?" She said she had to put him on hold because she was laughing so hard when he replied "Oh, MA'AM, we's ALL excited!!!"
My best friend called me one day and asked me how long Wal-Mart took to develop film. I said, "about 3 days." Then she proceeded to ask me: "well, how long does it take the one-hour photo place to develop film?"
Today I had just chatted with my uncle who was in Poland on a business trip. He was sending us regular updates on what was happening, but said the latest one wasn't sending. A few minutes after he signed off, I got mail. I checked it, and found the missing entry! I pressed keep as new, because these updates tended to be rather long. A few seconds later I heard "You've got mail" I thought "Wow. I'm actually getting mail." I clicked "Read" and saw the same letter. Now why, I thought, did he send the same letter twice? Then it hit me. Duh!
The former mayor of Williamstown was the third mayor of this Kentucky city to be impeached. He had been in trouble many times and always given another chance. Someone came to the local newspaper and said they knew someone that was at a poker game when the ex mayor came in and threw a very large amount of money on the table. When asked where he got the money the ex mayor said he had just robbed the Springboro, Ohio bank. Was there a robbery? With a quick phone call to the Springboro newspaper it was inquired as to if they had a recent robbery. Yes they did. They faxed a photograph of the bank robber to Williamstown. Immediately Williamstown sent copies of photos they had on file. One photo showed the ex mayor wearing the same clothes he wore during the robbery. The case was cold and nearly closed when the stupid ex mayor opened his mouth and gave himself away. He also had committed a second robbery. The first was a month after losing the primary for county judge, and the second was a week after losing the election for mayor of Williamstown, a position he had be impeached from for purjury, theft, terroristic threatening, misuse of funds, misuse of authority and being an idiot.
I feel pretty darn stupid. Here I was reading your page on stupid things when I commit an act of stupidity myself! I'm sitting at work, where I am a front desk person at a hotel during the summer, when a couple walks in and asks for a room. I told them sorry, but we are full for the night. Then the woman asked where she could find a public launch. With out thinking I told her the ladies bathrooms were just down the hall on her right. She smirked and said, "No honey, I don't need to launch but my boat does."
Here I am still working at the hotel in Wisconsin. I'm sitting in a little office area where immediatly to my right are some closet doors. A boy, about the age of ten, walks up to me and asks where the ice machine is. I told him it was on the second floor. He asked how do you get up the stairs. I pointed to the right, the hall he came down from, and said go to the door and go up the steps. He smiled and said thank you. So he turned to the closet door and opened it up and looked around. "I don't see the steps, do you need a ladder?" I smiled, tried not to burst out into tears and showed him the way up the stairs without the use of a ladder.
I was helping my Dad with a construction job when he decided we would need a truck to move all the dirt and rocks we had dug out of the foundations. His rather brilliant labourer came up with the idea that we should just, "Dig a hole and bury it."
Some years ago my younger brother and a friend had a night out and got home about 3.00 a.m. very intoxicated. They decided they were a bit hungry so they got a can of stew from the cupboard, heated it up and had it on toast before falling asleep. Next morning when they got up the first sight to greet them was an opened and empty tin of dog food sitting in the middle of the table. Not the best thing to see when suffering from a severe hangover. The dog food didn't stay inside them much longer.
I was sitting in art class with a friend of mine one day. We were watching a gym class on the field when she spotted my cousin. She started laughing and pointed him out to me and said, "Look at your cousin, all by himself at the end of the field. What a loser!" I glanced outside and turned back to her and said, "Ahh, Crystal, he's the goalie!"
One day I went to the store with my friend. We went up to the door and it said, "Please use other door," with an arrow pointing to the right. So my friend and I walked around to the side.. no door... we kept going trying to find the door... around back we found a door that two men were standing next to. They asked us if we were the repair people. We answered no and continued to walk around the store seeing as that was not the right door. We got back around to the front door, not finding any others, and looked at the door right next to the one that had the sign. We walked in like nothing had happened and the two guys were standing there. We felt like idiots.
This is going to sound horrible, but my grandmother is dumber than a box of rocks! One afternoon she was washing dishes. She started rinsing the dishes and all of a sudden a pipe came loose under the sink and water began to pour out from inside the cabinet and started to puddle under her feet. She was dumb-founded and didn't know what to do. Water just kept pouring. All she could think to do was to yell for my dad. "Charlie, the sink's leaking!" She was in a panic. It never crossed her mind to turn off the faucet! We were rolling with laughter!
We were vacationing in Italy and relaxing in our room with the TV on. My husband commanded, "TURN UP the TV, I can not understand a word they are saying." I responded, "That is because it is in ITALIAN."
I was sleeping with my mom and my brother in the same room. Suddenly a complete platoon of mosquitoes starting to attack to us, so mom said to my brother: Try to reach out and get the repellent cream, put some in to your face and the face of your sister and give me some, please. We were in the dark so we couldn't see anything but we did what mom said. In the morning when we woke up, we were completely "painted" in black. The "repellent cream" was black paint for shoes!
I was talking with a friend one time, and he mentioned he had seen one of those tank trucks that fill up swimming pools filling up at a fire hydrant. He said "I didn't know they could do that." To which his little brother piped up, "Maybe it was filling up the hydrant."
I was on a trip with a youth group and we spent the night in a hotel. The adults put tape on the doors so we wouldn't leave. One of my friends sits there thinking about it for awhile and then says, "I bet if we all pulled real hard together we could open the door."
My friend was telling me that her dad had just bought her a brand new 1999 Honda Civic. She went on to explain that there was a $1000 delivery charge. Me, being the brainless idiot that I am suggested, "Why don't you just pick it up?"
I was fishing at the annual fishing derby at my mom's house and my cousin was laying on the dock getting a suntan. Well she finally realized that all the guys were staring at her. I told her that if she didn't want the guys to stare at her to lay out behind the tree. Well, she replied, "I'll just come back later when its dark."
I just watched Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace twice. The next day, we were having lunch with a bunch of my mom's friends. Naturally, the movie became the topic. I was enjoying the conversation when somebody said "It was a stupid movie! Imagine, they got Luke's name wrong! How come they call him Anakin?"
My girlfriends and I were sitting on the sidewalk at the coffee shop one night, when my best friend started bugging me about a certain issue we had been discussing. I very firmly said, "NO I don't want to talk about it, you are NOT going to get your way this time." Realizing I had sounded a little harsh in front of all our friends, I started to apologize, and she stood up, grabbed her purse and said, "I have to go pick up my daughter" very angrily, she stomped off, heading down the alley towards where we usually park our cars. We all sat in shock, and a few comments were made about why she had gotten so mad, then we looked up, and here she came, trying her best not to look at us, or to laugh, her car was parked right beside where we were sitting!!
My sister is not the brightest person I know. She recently got a job at an insurance company working as some sort of secretary. One day she was at dinner discussing problems she was having with the office copy machine. She said "It wouldn't copy and the screen said 'Empty Toner Cartridge. So I emptied it, but it still didn't work". To which my other sister replied, "That means it needs a new cartridge". To which she replied, "NO, it said to EMPTY the cartridge and that's what I did. I think the machine is broken."
My friend works with twelve year olds that aren't too bright. They wake up at 4 in the morning and steal their parents car, and SHOOT PORTA-POTTIES. If that isn't sheer stupidity, I don't know what is.
One day I was visiting a friend of mine. I was getting ready to leave and my car wouldn't start. My battery had died while I had been inside. I went back in and told my friend and he finally found some jumper cables and was going to jump my car off. He hooked them up to his car and they were too short to reach to mine so he said, "Hey, go jump in your car and pull it up a little." Well, being the stupid person I am... I went and tried and realized why I was there to begin with.
I remember a time from my childhood when my dad woke up hungry in the middle of the night and decided to make a sandwich. He did so, and after eating it was still hungry. So he dished up a bowl of ice cream. The next morning, my mother couldn't figure out why there was a loaf of bread in the freezer. But the melted ice cream running out of the breadbox gave her a clue...
On the news the other day, there was a story where a man drove up to a drive thru back that has the air canisters. He slipped in a note saying: "This is a bank robbery. I want 10,000 dollars." Upon reading the note, the bank teller looked out the window, and put in 10,000 dollars. And sent it BACK out the chute where the man got it and drove off.
We had just moved into a new house, and our neighbors were a couple of guys. I thought one was pretty hot, so one day I thought I'd try to start a conversation. He was really nice, and after we talked for a while he asked me if I would like to go out the coming Friday. I was so exited, and nervous, I said, "Sure, what time?" He said, "Just be over at my house around 7pm." My reply: "O.K., Where do you live?" DUH, HELLO?
About a year ago, I decided to sell my beloved antique piano. I placed an ad in the local Pennysaver and the stupid calls poured in. After a particularly stupid call, I knew I couldn't let my piano go to idiots and decided not to sell it. The call went something like this:
caller: "What kind of piano is it?"
me: "It's a 1903 Knabe upright grand."
caller: "How old is the piano?"
me: "It was manufactured in 1903 so it's just about a hundred years old."
caller: "Are you the original owner?"
(I'm 36 and sound like a kid over the phone)
I used to run a rather large medical practice. We had a new girl start who was very friendly and likable, but she just couldn't seem to get messages straight. The doctor was getting understandably irritated and said she had to improve immediately or be fired. I took her aside and told her she should have the callers repeat their message or spell their names. The very next call she received was from ABC TV - she smiled sweetly and said, "Could you spell that please?"
I once had a rather stupid neighbor who asked me what I do for a living. I told her that I was an engineer, involved in the construction of power plants. She asked me about power plants - I spent five minutes giving her the basics, in layman's terms, so that she would understand the process. She asked what a power plant runs on. I told her that there are many sources of fuel - oil, gas, hydroelectric, nuclear, etc. She then said, "I don't understand, why don't they just run a power plant on electricity?"
We all showed up for softball practice one day and the gate was locked. When Coach got there we entered the field. All the girls were complaining about the amount of goose poop on the ground. Just then a teammate asked, "How did the geese get on the field? The gate was locked!" duh...
I used to work with a guy who thought he was the sharpest engineer in the department. One day while we were driving to a seminar we were talking and told me he had been taking memory pills to increase his memory capabilities, but he couldn't remember the name of them!
Once when my roommate was watching Apollo 13, the famous line was said, "Houston, we have a problem." She then leaned over and asked, "Which guy is Houston?"
My father usually sides with me in things, because I'm the nice, calm daughter. My brother is Way Too Impatient, so my dad's always telling him to sit still for just about everything. One night my brother was in a musical play at his school, in which he played Benny Goodman. While we were waiting for it to start, my dad had a program and I was reading. He finally got so bored, he started blocking my view of my book. When I ignored him, he balled up the program and kept throwing it at me. I still ignored him, so he looked around him, trying to find someone he recognized. He saw Richard, the coach of my brother's baseball team. He took his balled-up program and threw it at Richard. Richard threw it back, and they started a paper fight among the really bored Dads. The play started, and we watched it. Of course, I had to keep an eye on my dad. Later, on the way home, after congratulating my brother on his performance, he wouldn't sit still. My dad had to keep reminding him to sit still. "I bet I know where he gets it from," I said, grinning from ear to ear. "I know," my dad said, frustrated with my brother, "your mom could never sit still through anything!"